Dom passed a note to Ben which read, In 2020, I will let go of my inhibitions.
Really, Ben replied. Do you have anything in particular in mind?
To start off with, I was considering ignoring any embarrassment and just making a big display of wishing everyone a Happy New Year, Dom responded.
That sounds an excellent idea. Do you mind if I join you?
Please do, Dom replied, I think it would help me keep my nerve if you did.
The next morning, much to the dismay of the abbot of their Trappist monastery, Brothers Dominic and Benedict arrived to Vigils with large signs around there necks which read, HAPPY NEW YEAR!
“When
Pigs fly,”
He had said.
It was an oath
So rashly spoken.
Never intending to
Ever be done or followed.
Yet, winged porcines have now here come,
His words he will now have to swallow.
So pigs fly, as well as in mud wallow!
This week Jim Adams has challenged us to write about a song which has “crazy” in its lyrics. Weird Al, therefore returns to my blog with The Night Santa Went Crazy. Okay, it pushes some boundaries. It is PG-13 or above, and has some disturbing imagery. It’s not for those feint at heart. But, for the fans of irreverent, bad taste, the lyrics are below.
Lyrics:
Down in the workshop, all the elves were making toys
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared them half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots, he was covered with ammo Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye
“Merry Christmas to all! Now you’re all gonna die!”
[Chorus]
The night Santa went crazy
The night Saint Nick went insane
Realized he’d been getting a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
[Verse 2]
Well, the workshop is gone now—he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you’ll find pieces of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers, and he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph into reindeer sausage
He got Dancer and Prancer with an old German Luger
And he slashed up Dasher just like Freddy Krueger
And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbecued Blitzen
And he took a big bite and said, “It tastes just like chicken!”
[Chorus]
The night Santa went crazy
The night Kris Kringle went nuts
Now you can hardly walk around the North Pole
Without stepping in reindeer guts
[Bridge]
There’s the National Guard and the FBI
There’s a van from the Eyewitness News
And helicopters circlin’ ’round in the sky
And the bullets are flyin’, the body count’s risin’
And everyone’s dyin’ to know … oh Santa, why?
My, my, my, my, my, my
You used to be such a jolly guy
[Verse 3]
Yes, Virginia, now Santa’s doing time
In a federal prison for his infamous crime
Hey, little friend now, don’t you cry no more tears
He’ll be out with good behavior in seven hundred more years
But now Vixen’s in therapy, and Donner’s still nervous
And the elves all got jobs working for the postal service
And they say Mrs. Claus, she’s on the phone every night
With her lawyer, negotiating the movie rights
They’re talkin’ ’bout
[Chorus]
The night Santa went crazy
The night Saint Nicholas flipped
Broke his back for some milk and cookies
Sounds to me like he was tired of gettin’ gypped
Wo-oh, the night Santa went crazy
The night Saint Nick went insane
Realized he’d been getting a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Wo-oh, something finally must have snapped in his brain
Tell ya, something finally must have snapped… in his brain
Padre's Ramblings 