Punland Challenge

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image: TripAdvisor

I have over the years (despite my general enjoyment of wordplay) come to cringe as I look at the business names on the High Street.   Here is a real sample:

Hair Dressers:

A Cut Above; The Mane Attraction; Look Ahead; Mane Event; Hair Today

Fish Shops:

The Cod Father; Small Fry; Friars’ Choice; My Plaice

Pizzeria:

Leaning Tower of Pizza

Chinese Takeaway:

Wok and Roll (with a stir fry and a spring roll on either side of the sign)

Coffee Places include:

Friends’ Central Perk; Higher Ground; Cuppa Diem

But now even gardeners and tree surgeons are getting into it.  Recently I have seen the following vans:

Trees Company;  Tree Fellas; Branch Out,

[and a fencing firm]: Ministry of De Fence

I am sure there are hundreds of others out there.  I would love to hear which ones you have come across, or if you have a great concept of your own which has yet to grace retail signage, let me know in the comments box below, or use them in a blog post of your own and link it here.

Padre

 

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To Limit The Lies

 

The Haunted Wordsmith has once again challenged us to fib on a Friday.  As honesty is the best policy (or so they tell me), I will limit the lies.  I will of course “tell a big one” by Friday Fibbing on what is to me Saturday.  That said, I will further “limit the lies” by fibbing on two prompts.  Even in my fibbing, I will “limit the lies,” by retaining “Half truths.”

Why did people invent the sandwich?   No one knows exactly why the Romans landed where they did in 43 AD.  It might have been some major forward thinking in anticipation of saving a few denarii when Worth and Deal were founded in the area, a few centuries later.

This shrewd financial sense, however found a rather limited set of commodities, as the only deal worth having was some nearby Ham.  It was some enterprising Saxons who saw this gap in the market and invented Sandwich on the bank of the Stour.  Now everyone can get their money’s Worth with a Ham Sandwich Deal.

Image result for ham sandwich signpost

image: Geograph.org

What was the stone age?  As many of my regular readers know, I am an educator.  As such, I am very knowledgeable on the topic of the stone age.  The stone age was, a period in human social and technological development, when the most advanced tools were made of stone.  As a teacher I can see, within my profession, the heights to which we have come.  My students enjoy interactive learning in a digital age.  The Internet provides “on demand” access to documents, video content, and state of the art audio.  It has not always been so.  When I began teaching, technology in the educational landscape was more primitive.  In fact, when I first qualified as a teacher I was equipped with two rocks in order to present my lessons:  a large flat piece of slate, and a cylindrical piece of calcite.  Yes, I have been teaching since the stone age, or as I like to call it – the 1980s.

Blackboard, Technology, Board, School, Empty, Write

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

What is the best ice cream topping on a sundae?  Personally I think that chocolate fudge is the ideal ice cream condiment on a Sunday, though I do like a bit of butterscotch on a Monday.

So in the interest of limiting lies, please note the additional half truth.  I did indeed answer two of the prompts.  I just also added a third.

Padre

  1. Why do cable companies offer so many channels no one watches?
  2. Who invented lemon meringue pies?
  3. Why did people invent the sandwich?
  4. What was the stone age?
  5. Why do people grow more annoying as we age?
  6. What is doomsday?
  7. What do fish do all day?
  8. Who are the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse really?
  9. How do you make a cake?
  10. What is the best ice cream topping on a sundae?
  11. What is your ideal style of home?
  12. What is the strangest hobby?

“I Am A Writer . . . ” Concept Prompt

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source: Mark Adams

How is this for a concept for a new “reality” television programme? A group of poets and novelists are stranded in a jungle encampment and must undergo a series of “bush-craft” challenges in order to secure their freedom and the opportunity to return to their beloved typewriters. I think a good working title would be “I am a writer, expedite my departure.”

What are your suggestions for a title or alternative rules?  Might it include writing challenges, or the eating of non-four and five-star cuisine?  I would love to know your ideas.

Alternatively, use the opportunity to write a short story about the events of an episode of the programme. Really it’s up to you – just have fun with it.

Padre

Please share this with anyone who might enjoy the challenge, and do cite this post so others can see your ideas in the ping backs.

Nine of the Worst Bible Puns

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Source: https://learn.onemonth.com

I have learned in years as: a former youth minister, pulpit minister, and religious educator, that young people (and others) are lovers of Bible puns.  While they may not be for everyone (and some may see them as sacrilegious) they nonetheless seem to find their way into sermons and Sunday School classes.

With that said, here are some of the all time “groaners” in the Bible pun stakes.

  1. We all know God is a sports fan, as we find Cricket (or Baseball) referenced at the start of the Bible: “In the big inning (Genesis 1: 1).
  2. The fall is found early in the Bible.  When sin enters the world Adam blamed Eve, and Eve blamed the serpent. And the snake didn’t have a leg to stand on (Genesis 3: 10-13).
  3. The first reference to smoking is found in Genesis 24, of course, as it clearly notes that Rebekah alighted her camel (Genesis 24: 64).
  4. Joseph was something of a sportsman.  In fact, tennis seems to be his game. “He was thirty years old when he began serving in the court of Pharaoh . . .  (Genesis 41:46 NLT).”
  5. Moses of course is the greatest sinner of the Pentateuch. After all he did break all ten commandments (Exodus 32:19). 
  6. The shortest character in the scripture of course is Knee-high-miah (Nehemiah).
  7. “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge;” therefore, the Bible is like a medicine to cure the thick (Hosea 4: 6).
  8. There was great disappointment for the town of Bethany in the recent games, as they failed to get a podium position.  Yes, Lazarus came fourth (John 11: 43-44).
  9. “There was a certain man in Caesarea called Cornelius, a centurion of the band called the Italian band . . . ” He was clearly an officer and a Gentile-man (Acts 10: 1).

There are others that are widely used as well, such as “Moses’, (or Joshua’s, or David’s) Triumphs [motorcycles or sports-cars], but these are far more paraphrases and therefore lack clear chapter and verse references.

Hopefully you will have seen these in the spirit intended (a little fun), and I will return to some serious biblical reflections of Witness Wednesday (if not sooner).

Shalom,

Padre