As Kevin was boarding the bus, he knew he was heading back to the one place he hoped he’d never have to see again. But such is the nature of the second day of school.
The Return
#FSS
Full Price
She searched her apartment frantically trying to find it, but it wasn’t there. She knew she had one, but for the life of her, she couldn’t remember where. She looked apologetically at the delivery guy, and grabbed her wallet from her purse. “I’m so sorry,” she said, handing him the money for the pizzas. “I had a two for one voucher here somewhere.” What she was really sorry about was having to pay full price.
Padre
Gnomocide
He stood there for a long time watching them through the window. Were they going to enter his garden and finish of the clan? Fred and Barney had already succumb to the unprovoked attacks, and only Washington and Irving now remained of the once proud tribe.
Finally it happened, in a swift but furious attack, Washington was picked up and dropped on his pointy head while Irving was drop kicked into the street in front of an oncoming garbage truck.
Brian could not understand how such violence and vitriol could be directed to helpless garden gnomes.
Padre
Squeeze
She held out her arms to hug me, but I knew this wasn’t my house, and she definitely wasn’t my wife.
“Ma’am, I don’t think that is appropriate,” I said maybe a little too matter-of-factly.
“Oh, Aren’t you the Hug-o-gram guy?” she said, flushing a bit red.
“No Ma’am. I’m from the electric company. I’m here to read the meter.”
“Sorry,” she said. “I sometimes get Hug-o-grams, since my husband passed away. He arranged them to cheer me up and to remind me that he cared. I know it’s silly but it does help a bit.”
“That sounds lovely,” I said not knowing what else to say. What I was really thinking is that the guy must have been some nutcase to send random men to hug his wife.
“Anyway,” she said. “The meter is under the stairs. It’s a bit of a tight squeeze I’m afraid.”
I stooped under the stairs and took the reading.
“Okay Ma’am. All done.”
She looked at me with a really disappointed expression.
I couldn’t help myself, I reached out and gave her a cuddle. “You take care of yourself,” I said.
She just smiled and whispered, “Thank you.”
————-
Padre
Shards
When I walked into the kitchen, I noticed that there was broken glass all over the floor. I immediately checked the window, which was intact and locked. I scanned, in an act of confusion, the shelf of plastic tumblers above the counter. While I intellectually knew that I owned no glass drinking vessels, I found that even the tumblers were all in place.
Leaving the kitchen I began a search of the house. This revealed that all of the windows were intact and that the doors were fully secured from the inside. Not so much as a single picture frame or mirror in the entire house was damaged. Vases and all of my knickknacks were accounted for as well.
Where had the broken glass come from? Why would someone go through the effort of breaking in and break some random glass and then cover the fact with having the doors locked from the inside? Maybe the body on the kitchen floor next to the glass will provide some answers.
Padre
The Corporation Girl
She thought she heard his voice in the hallway outside of her apartment, so she immediately changed out of her tracksuit into something ‘a little less comfortable.’ She had just finished putting on her long red wig when he began knocking on her door.
“Jerry darling, what a surprise she said giving him a passionate kiss. I wasn’t expecting to see you until Thursday.”
“I had a meeting on this side of town so thought I might give you a little visit. I hope that’s okay.”
“Of course it is,” she said with what seemed a sincere smile.
In reality it had caught her way off guard. She hadn’t had a chance to read the latest dossier from her handler yet, and new there was something she was supposed to include in the conversation to draw him out a bit.
“It’s a bit early to open a bottle of wine,” she said. “Should I put the kettle on?”
“I was thinking more about taking things off, if you know what I mean,” he said with a wink.
“Why don’t you go into the bedroom than and get comfortable. I will be in in just a minute,” she said giving him a kiss.
As he started loosening his tie and heading to the bedroom, she took a quick look at the file.
“Oh, I see,” she said to herself and grabbed a bottle of red and two glasses.
As she entered the bedroom she said, “Brought us a little something after all.”
Ten minutes later, after the drug took hold, she got the combination for his briefcase from the dossier and she quickly photographed the encloses design specifications. The folks back at the firm were going to love this, the whole project was in there.
“Sometimes you make this too easy, Jerry,” she said quietly giving him a kiss on his sleeping cheek. “But a girl has to do what a girl’s got to do.”
Padre
Luck
Karen went ballistic when she found out that her husband, Kenneth, had gambled away their entire life’s savings.
“What were you thinking?” she yelled in a shrill tone.
“Well you remember when I asked you to marry me and you said, ‘Yes, I guess this is your lucky day’.”
“Yes, I remember.”
“Well, I was just trying to prove that you were right. So, in reality, it’s your fault.”
Padre
The Introduction
She knew he was going to give her a long, deep kiss, but she was surprised when he extended a hand as a formal greeting instead. Okay, long distance relationships are hard, but she really thought they had something. Now this.
“Hello Jessica, its nice to see you again,” he said matter of factly.
“Hi, Tyler, I um . . . . It’s good to see you too.”
It was then that he saw the petite Japanese woman coming up from behind him and stroking his shoulder as she stopped.
“Jessica, this is Aiko she is from our Tokyo office. We have been working together recently on a project.”
“Um, hello Aiko. It’s nice to meet you,” Jessica lied.
Jessica knew exactly what kind of project Tyler was referring to. It wasn’t that long ago when she had “worked” with him at the London office.
Padre
Decoy
When he decided to spy on his wife, the last thing he expected was to discover that she had absolutely nothing to hide. Every time he would track her down, she was doing exactly what she said she would be doing. She had lunch with her friends, she went to the park to feed the birds; she even went to a pottery class even though she had never seemed to be in the least bit artsy.
What he failed to discover, however, was that she was having a fiery affair with the next door neighbour, nor did he learn that she had a cousin that was virtually her twin.
So much for espionage.
Padre
The Hedgerow
It would be easy enough to come away from that encounter thinking that some sort of agreement had been made. The truth, however, was far from being so tidy.
At issue was the seven-foot-high hedge that served as the boundary between the Miller’s and the Weaver’s properties. Technically the hedge belonged to the Weavers, but they were on the sun-ward side of the “Great Wall of Hinnington Avenue.” The Miller’s, therefore, had to suffer a near perpetual black-out of natural light in their kitchen.
It had been bad enough when the hedge was at eye-level, but now it was becoming a serious issue; especially with rising energy costs. Eve Miller finally worked up the courage to go confront her neighbour with the issue.
“Why didn’t you say something earlier?” Jan Weaver asked in a exaggeratedly friendly tone.
“It wasn’t that bad until this summer,” Eve said feeling a little embarrassed.
“No worries, I will have Roger prune it back on the weekend,” Jan said with a smile.
“Thank you.”
And prune it he did, to exactly six-feet-seven inches.
Jan couldn’t believe that so little effort had been made. She hesitantly made her way next door to say so as well.
“But you said it had been fine until recently,” Jan said matter-of-factly.
“But,” Eve began.
“If you didn’t want it any higher than this, you should have said so long before now.”
And so began the First War of the Hedges.
Padre
Based on actual events. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
Padre's Ramblings 