The UPS driver had a lot of explaining to do. His livelihood counted on it. He had been doing his deliveries, and as was his practice turned off the engine and applied the handbreak before jumping out to leave the package in an inaccessible corner of the customers’ garden shed.
When he returned to the street, he found his van missing, and it didn’t take long to discover that it had rolled from his stopping place, down the road, and eventually off a hill. The police arrived soon after and sought his credentials and started to ask ackward questions about his parking procedure.
Little did the unfortunate driver know that he was but the latest victim of Abernathy Clarke, “The Stitch-Up Artist.” Be sure to see it all on Thursday’s episode on Channel 6.
It was a contest like no other. Twelve elite examples of human physical and mental “perfection” would go through a gruelling challenge which included sleep deprivation, hunger, and exposure all coupled with gluttony and excess.
The participants were truly remarkable and included a US Navy Seal, a Russian Cosmonaut, three Ultramarathoners, and Dee Winomp: triathlete, yoga master, and Mensa superstar.
On day one the participants had a thirty mile run over variable terrain, followed by a half mile swim. Calories were limited to a mere one thousand. That night they were limited to two hours and thirty minutes sleep. They were then bundled onto a waiting aircraft and flown to northern Canada to take part in a ski journey of another thirty miles. At the end each of the intrepid group was presented with the task of consuming 8 to 10 units of alcohol (dependent on their body weight) and then were to complete a series of cognitive tasks.
Another flight and six hours of sleep led to day three, in which six thousand calories of fast food were consumed before another three units of alcohol, before a ten mile run, and a twenty mile cycle journey.
Over the next few days, similar mixes of boom and bust, as well as cognitive tests followed. Exposure to the tear gas, and sensory depravation chambers “enriched” the experience.
It was indeed a spectacle. The winner of the contest was Katie Brown, aged 54, of Milan, Tennessee who accurately picked the last drop out. She incredibly predicted that it would be Alexander Krumlov, of the Czech Special Forces who passed out exactly at her forecasted nine days, thirteen hours, and twenty minutes.
As for the dozen participants in the field, they each received their contracted fees. Katie however was the recipient of three million dollar grand prize. Welcome to the world of “reality” television.
“I am so confused,” Charlie said. “‘Fake news,’ half truths, and everyone saying the other side is manipulating the facts.”
“I know what you mean,” Carol replied. “Like the Tories setting up a ‘fact finding’ website that was just to confuse voters.”
“Then there’s the papers,” Harriet piped in. “You have the left-wing Guardian and the totally right polarised, Express.
“Telly’s just as bad,” Carol observed. “And it’s confusing. People have accused the Beeb of being liberal in its views for years, but now Labour is saying the BBC commentators have conspired against them.
“Like I said,” Charlie reiterated, “I am confused. Where can we possibly go to find the truth?”
“Maybe something foreign like Aljazeera or Fox will set us straight,” Harriet offered.