Be it the one where the Gran –

Pays with vouchers that they need to scan

The shopping queue you choose to join

Will be definition take the longest time

Is it not mysterious that if the line you change

it will be the one where

An item in front they must exchange

Is it just a trick of nature

Or the plot by Amazon saying:

“Catch you later.”


Christmas Cheer

Wreath, Christmas Wreath

Mother and daughter

Standing side by side

Which wreath to buy

Trying to decide

“This one’s too little”

“This one to wide”

“One with a pink ribbon –

I just can’t abide”

Finally all tight and green

A pine twisted circle

On their door can be seen


St Stephen’s Day (Or the Boxing Day) Sales

Image result for st crispin's day speech

Henry V


This day is call’d the feast of  Stephen
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam’d,
And rouse him at the name of Stephen
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say “To-morrow is Saint Stephen’s.”
Then will he open his cupboards and show his purchases,
And say “These bargains I had on Stephen’s day.”
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he’ll remember, with advantages,
What deals he got that day. Then shall all the names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words—
Debenhams, Primark and Curry’s,
M & S and Peacocks and Matalan —
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb’red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Steven Stephen shall ne’er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be rememberèd—
We few, we happy few, we band of shoppers;
For he to-day that spends his cash with me
Shall be my fellow shopper; be he ne’er so rich,
This day shall lighten his pocketbook;
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here,
And hold their e-deals cheap whiles any speaks
That shopped with us upon this Boxing Day.




With sincere apologies to the Bard

The Sweater


“That is the ugliest sweater I have ever seen,” Erin said dismissively.

“I kind of like it,” Wanda said. “What’s wrong with it?”

“Well first of all, it is baby poop green.”

“It’s ‘mustard’ actually,” Wanda said a bit defensively.

“Well, whatever you call it, it looks like it belongs in a nappy.  And what is that design on it?  A moldy doughnut?”

“It’s a wreath,” Wanda humphed.

“Ah, that’s what it is?  So it’s a Christmas jumper then.”

“Well, dah,” Wanda retorted.

“Well in that case, I have seen worse.  Sorry.”




First Line Friday: December 20th, 2019

Black Friday

Image result for black friday fights

image: The Independent

A Friday black

After a Thursday grey

It’s dull and rainy

So at home I’ll stay

The promise of bargains

On things I don’t need

Is not worth facing

Shoving shoppers’ greed

So I’ll take up my keyboard

And write a poem or two,

Enjoying a mince pie

And a hot milky brew





The Perfect Look

Image result for fancy dress shop


Tom dreaded that it was now October and time to find that perfect look.  Gone were the days when he was a kid and an old sheet made the “perfect” ghost, or an orange sweatshirt could be transformed into a Jack-o’-lantern by adding some stuffing and a few triangles of black felt.  No, ever since he had been with Connie, Halloween costumes had to be state of the art.

Last year they had used a spider theme.  But this was not simple.  Tom had to shell out for a complete commercially constructed “dark” Spider Man outfit complete with web throwers.  Connie was a black widow with red hourglass emblem, and electronic legs that all twitched.   They had been second place at the country club Halloween event.  Not bad since the Gardeners had won for six years running.

“Listen Tom, this year we are going to beat that annoying Sally and Will.  To do it, we are going to take out all the stops,” Connie said.

“Yeah, bit the rules put a five hundred limit on the amount spent on a costume,” he reminded her.

“I have been thinking about that.  So I have arranged for us to see an expert in Bahrain who will outfit us.  We will be going as robots, and all the tech will be Japanese, but bought in Bahrain.  So we will pay 500 Bahrain Dinar, and be inside the rules.”

“But for the two costumes that will be over two and half thousand dollars,” Tom said almost weeping over the figure.

“And don’t forget the flights, I have booked them for $2266.  I’m getting excited.  This will be our year to win,” Connie said triumphantly.

Tom dreaded that it was now October and time to find that perfect look.


Tale Weaver – #245 – 17th October – Shopping

FOWC with Fandango — Spider


Shops: All in a Row

imageedit__7729369625 (1).jpg

Shops and Molly Malone – Dublin

What is it about retail outlets?  Do they have some sort of identity crisis?  I was reflecting on this when I was last at a shopping mall.

Have you ever noticed that Bakers in Cambridge sells Jewellery, while Joules sells clothing and shoes?   But they are not alone in this misnomer game.  “Boots” sells drugs and “Super Drug” seems to primarily sell cosmetics.

Okay, I have been a little facetious, but the point is there.


I wanted a wristwatch,

It was the point of the trip,

I wandered the concourse,

With a “Costa” to sip


I tried at the “Joules,”

None there was to be had,

So I tried the “Next” shop,

But its selection was sad.


I was confused and deflated,

Out of breath from wandering round,

So I sought “Information,”

Only “Clues” and “Quiz” could be found


I went to the car park

And then I drove home,

I ordered from “e bay,”

Never again to roam



2019 Photography Challenge: All in a Row


Terms and Conditions Apply

three line tales, week 163: a special deal

photo by Artem Bali via Unsplash

You get twelve for only the price of a dozen –

That’s a great deal you should agree –

Offer limited to one per customer  – between

Three thirty and half past three


Don’t forget to bring the coupon –

Printed on a paper of your own –

We wont accept it if the barcode won’t scan –

So be careful when printing at home


So hurry down and join the queue –

Don’t forget to search for other bargains in store –

Don’t be late and let the person before you –

Take the last one from the display by the door




This was inspired by Three Line Tales, Week 163.  It was my immediate reaction, but I will post a proper 3 line piece to the challenge later.