Be it the one where the Gran –
Pays with vouchers that they need to scan
The shopping queue you choose to join
Will be definition take the longest time
Is it not mysterious that if the line you change
it will be the one where
An item in front they must exchange
Is it just a trick of nature
Or the plot by Amazon saying:
“Catch you later.”
Padre
Mother and daughter
Standing side by side
Which wreath to buy
Trying to decide
“This one’s too little”
“This one to wide”
“One with a pink ribbon –
I just can’t abide”
Finally all tight and green
A pine twisted circle
On their door can be seen
Padre
Henry V
This day is call’d the feast of Stephen
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam’d,
And rouse him at the name of Stephen
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say “To-morrow is Saint Stephen’s.”
Then will he open his cupboards and show his purchases,
And say “These bargains I had on Stephen’s day.”
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he’ll remember, with advantages,
What deals he got that day. Then shall all the names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words—
Debenhams, Primark and Curry’s,
M & S and Peacocks and Matalan —
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb’red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Steven Stephen shall ne’er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be rememberèd—
We few, we happy few, we band of shoppers;
For he to-day that spends his cash with me
Shall be my fellow shopper; be he ne’er so rich,
This day shall lighten his pocketbook;
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here,
And hold their e-deals cheap whiles any speaks
That shopped with us upon this Boxing Day.
Padre
With sincere apologies to the Bard
“That is the ugliest sweater I have ever seen,” Erin said dismissively.
“I kind of like it,” Wanda said. “What’s wrong with it?”
“Well first of all, it is baby poop green.”
“It’s ‘mustard’ actually,” Wanda said a bit defensively.
“Well, whatever you call it, it looks like it belongs in a nappy. And what is that design on it? A moldy doughnut?”
“It’s a wreath,” Wanda humphed.
“Ah, that’s what it is? So it’s a Christmas jumper then.”
“Well, dah,” Wanda retorted.
“Well in that case, I have seen worse. Sorry.”
Padre
Pixabay
Over six hundred million – items on display
And multiple ways for you to pay
At a click of a button – your shopping’s done
Though it’s not much of an outing –
Nor as much fun
Padre
Friday, 5 Lines or Less… Challenge: Using the word shopping
Write a story or poem of 5 Lines or Less. Link back to this post.
image: The Independent
A Friday black
After a Thursday grey
It’s dull and rainy
So at home I’ll stay
The promise of bargains
On things I don’t need
Is not worth facing
Shoving shoppers’ greed
So I’ll take up my keyboard
And write a poem or two,
Enjoying a mince pie
And a hot milky brew
Padre
fancy.pantscostumes
Tom dreaded that it was now October and time to find that perfect look. Gone were the days when he was a kid and an old sheet made the “perfect” ghost, or an orange sweatshirt could be transformed into a Jack-o’-lantern by adding some stuffing and a few triangles of black felt. No, ever since he had been with Connie, Halloween costumes had to be state of the art.
Last year they had used a spider theme. But this was not simple. Tom had to shell out for a complete commercially constructed “dark” Spider Man outfit complete with web throwers. Connie was a black widow with red hourglass emblem, and electronic legs that all twitched. They had been second place at the country club Halloween event. Not bad since the Gardeners had won for six years running.
“Listen Tom, this year we are going to beat that annoying Sally and Will. To do it, we are going to take out all the stops,” Connie said.
“Yeah, bit the rules put a five hundred limit on the amount spent on a costume,” he reminded her.
“I have been thinking about that. So I have arranged for us to see an expert in Bahrain who will outfit us. We will be going as robots, and all the tech will be Japanese, but bought in Bahrain. So we will pay 500 Bahrain Dinar, and be inside the rules.”
“But for the two costumes that will be over two and half thousand dollars,” Tom said almost weeping over the figure.
“And don’t forget the flights, I have booked them for $2266. I’m getting excited. This will be our year to win,” Connie said triumphantly.
Tom dreaded that it was now October and time to find that perfect look.
Padre
Tale Weaver – #245 – 17th October – Shopping
Shops and Molly Malone – Dublin
What is it about retail outlets? Do they have some sort of identity crisis? I was reflecting on this when I was last at a shopping mall.
Have you ever noticed that Bakers in Cambridge sells Jewellery, while Joules sells clothing and shoes? But they are not alone in this misnomer game. “Boots” sells drugs and “Super Drug” seems to primarily sell cosmetics.
Okay, I have been a little facetious, but the point is there.
I wanted a wristwatch,
It was the point of the trip,
I wandered the concourse,
With a “Costa” to sip
I tried at the “Joules,”
None there was to be had,
So I tried the “Next” shop,
But its selection was sad.
I was confused and deflated,
Out of breath from wandering round,
So I sought “Information,”
Only “Clues” and “Quiz” could be found
I went to the car park
And then I drove home,
I ordered from “e bay,”
Never again to roam
Padre
2019 Photography Challenge: All in a Row
photo by Artem Bali via Unsplash
You get twelve for only the price of a dozen –
That’s a great deal you should agree –
Offer limited to one per customer – between
Three thirty and half past three
Don’t forget to bring the coupon –
Printed on a paper of your own –
We wont accept it if the barcode won’t scan –
So be careful when printing at home
So hurry down and join the queue –
Don’t forget to search for other bargains in store –
Don’t be late and let the person before you –
Take the last one from the display by the door
Padre
This was inspired by Three Line Tales, Week 163. It was my immediate reaction, but I will post a proper 3 line piece to the challenge later.
Padre's Ramblings 